In May 2006, a school in Zhengzhou orgainzed activities allowing parents to play with their children, in a bid to remove barriers between parents and their kids.

    He Yongjun claims that almost every child will encounter some problems during the process of growing up, and will either cut school, get into fights, suffer infantile autism or go through a rebellious period. But many of these problems are related to parents’ improper education methods. “We can say that most children’s problems actually result from parents’ problems.”

    Parents that only care about their kids’ study and getting them into a good school can easily ignore their child’s real thoughts. They often send kids to events such as the Mathematics Olympic Competition or piano competitions, in a bid to get awards that make their child look superior to others and help them get into a high-quality middle school. Wang is under such pressure because her son has to enter middle school this July.

    “Children are facing competition that is too fierce,” comments He. “This is why kids are having more and more psychological problems.”

“Nobody Taught Us How to Be Parents…”

   “Driving and educating, which is easier?” Wang proposed the question during our interview. She thinks educating is much more difficult. “Before getting a license one has to take training in a professional driving school. However, nobody has ever taught us how to be parents.”

    Wang still doesn’t have a clear idea about how to be a parent though her son is already 12 years old. Young adults from single-parent families who are now reaching the age of child-bearing face an even tougher time.

    “In China there is currently no specific training system for parents. Young parents’ knowledge mostly comes from their own moms and dads. As a result inappropriate education methods are often passed down from generation to generation inside a family,” says Yang Jie, who got a master’s degree in education from Beijing Normal University. She now works as a family education consultant in Shenzhen.

    He Yongjun is a teacher at the Party School of the Shijiazhuang City Committee of the CPC, where he teaches leadership psychology. But he majored in youth ideological education at college, and has always been interested in children’s education. Every Tuesday morning he goes to work in the university, and does family education consulting in his spare time.

    “Consultants working in this field need to have three qualifications: first, a spontaneous love for children; second, they need to be smart and mentally healthy; and third, they need comprehensive knowledge and experience,” says He.

    Some commercialized education institutes have launched training courses targeting parents, teaching them how to deal with troubles with their children’s education. Many parents take such training in order to better guide their children, and Wang once considered attending such a course. “Chinese parents are willing to give as much as possible to their children,” says Yang Jie. But in the end, Wang turned to professionals for help. “I think those training courses contain many theories but are not as practical as advice from consultants,” she explains. In addition, Wang believes educating children requires experience that can’t be gained in a short period. She still has problems solving knotty issues herself.

    He Yongjun says he sees family education consulting as a subject that combines psychology and pedagogy. In his view, most children face difficulties in various aspects of their lives, such as studying and making friends. “Parents expect too much from their children. They want their kids to be excellent in every aspect,” he explains. “Many parents start to pay too much attention to their children’s study once they enter kindergarten.” When He tells parents coming for consultations that school grades are not that important, many of them find it hard to accept.

    Altogether he has received more than 220 parents who have consulted with him for more than three months, and another 1,000 parents have worked with him on short-term problems. His clients come from all over the country. Most are from big cities, where school pressures are huge.