Marriage
and the Family in China
By
CHEN XINXIN

A group wedding in an urban area.
|
Tangible disparity exists between standards
of life in China's rural and urban areas, and in their levels
of gender equality. This adds complexity to China's overall
marital and familial situation. The urban economy and culture
are moving in the direction of those of developed countries,as
the rural economy shifts from being agriculture-dominated to
one co-buttressed by agriculture and industry. Owing to these
factors, marriage and the family are believed to be taking on
diverse trends in China's rural and urban regions. According
to statistics and the opinions of certain scholars, in the cities:
Nuclear families are increasing. The present
proportion is 60 percent, and is expected to go higher. Most
families now comprise three to four members, and expectations
of marriage have changed with improved living conditions. To
many people, income, housework and procreation are no longer
top priorities; more important is having a loving, loyal and
understanding spouse.
People are marrying and having children later
in life, and more choose to remain celibate or issueless. Among
the West's ever-increasing numbers of unmarried people, most
cohabit. This mode of life is gradually being accepted by China's
urban youth.

Sino-foreign matrimony, starting
with a traditional rite. |
Sex education is now scientific and commonplace,
and so inhibits the youth from curiosity-driven sex. But this
does not mean that pre-marital sex is on the decrease. Owing
to a stronger sense of independence among women and less emphasis
on the need to retain virginity, more people go in for trial
marriages before formally committing themselves.
Stress is now laid on the quality of a marriage,
and an increasing number of couples part when they feel their
partnership is beyond redemption. Taking imaginative measures
to keep a marriage fresh and enjoyable is becoming a priority.
Husband and wife are more equal, and domestic violence has abated.
Husbands also share more household chores. The bonds of marriage
are affection, mutually fulfilling sex and care, rather than
economic security and children as before. The main reason why
two people marry nowadays is the pleasure the connubial relationship
brings them.
To some of those discontent with their marriage
but unable or unwilling to divorce for various reasons, the
alternatives are to engage in extramarital affairs or to visit
prostitutes.
A comparatively high-tempo work and lifestyle
means people have less time for their parents. Supporting elders
has become a grave social problem. Elderly people are supported
by society in the West, and traditionally by their children
in the East. In China more elderly people are accepting the
Western mode and starting to live in rest homes.

A simple wedding in the countryside. |
The one-child policy engenders new challenges
as regards children's education. This century tens of thousands
of only children will reach adulthood, and are expected to face
particular problems when they marry and have children of their
own.
Sharing as they do the duties of the breadwinner,
women have an equal say in family financial affairs. They often
have their own bank accounts, and husbands do not necessarily
hand over their salaries to their wives. Some couples have their
respective property notarized before marrying. Thanks to developments
in the service trade and popularization of domestic electric
appliances, less time and labor is expended on housework, so
less discord stems from it.
Divorce by mutual consent and trial divorce
are signs of social progress. More couples are parting in a
rational, rancor-free fashion. Society provides counseling and
advice, but it is the couple that actually decides whether or
not to carry on with their marriage. The divorce rate is expected
to soar. There are now greater numbers of people with a good
education who have higher expectations of love and marriage,
and who may tire of their spouses. Being more sensitive and
less unwilling to overlook the flaws in their marriage, they
are more likely to divorce.

A remarried elderly couple. |
People are now aware that maintaining a marriage
requires skill, and no longer believe stable connubiality depends
merely on a marriage license and children. Some people, however,
usually seniors, with no experience in self-reliance, or at
being financially self-supporting, worry about the harm a broken
home may do to their children. From their point of view, the
law should discourage divorce by making it difficult.
Society is growing ever more tolerant towards
extramarital affairs, and it is now self-discipline rather than
external pressure that preserves a sense of responsibility.
Greater freedom and privacy make extramarital affairs more commonplace.
The right to enjoy sex and love is exercised, and the sense
of self-determination dominates. More are convinced that it
is pointless to remain in a loveless marriage, and feel tolerant
or even sympathetic towards those who find extramarital love.
Traditional attitudes towards virginity have changed, but still
hold sway, and are unlikely to disappear completely in the foreseeable
future.
Marriage is now viewed as an entirely private
affair. Lifestyles have diversified into those of celibacy,
single-parent families and cohabitation. People select the mode
they believe will make them happy, rather than going along with
the majority.
Mixed nationality marriages are on the increase,
but to most Chinese marrying someone from the West is no longer
a means to getting rich or going abroad, as in the early years
of China's opening up and reform. Most Sino-foreign couples
marry for love on the basis of mutual understanding and congeniality.
There are now greater numbers of same-sex
partnerships. As Chinese society becomes more tolerant, homoeroticism
will increasingly come out into the open. More non-governmental
organizations offering women self-help and marriage counseling
will also be established.

A rural woman selling hand-made insoles
for pin money. |
In the countryside things have also changed.
Free choice, rather than arranged, marriages are being promoted
due to social and economic progress. Rural women have more life
choices, particularly those who migrate to cities. Working in
the city broadens their horizons, bringing them economic independence.
They consequently expect to be mistresses of their own fate.
Many of them disdain to marry fellow rural dwellers, but are
frustrated that traditional prejudice makes them the last choice
of marriage partner for urban men. This situation is likely
to continue for a long period.
Thanks to economic development, more equal
status for women, the establishment of social security for seniors,
and education on reproductive science, the rural convention
of early marriage and lots of children is now being rejected.
Endowment insurance for rural residents is having a far-reaching
influence on farmers' attitudes towards having children.
Gender imbalances have made it harder for
men from poor households to find marriage partners. In depressed
areas the cost of marrying is ruinous to the man's family, to
the extent that many simply cannot afford it. As farmers attach
supreme importance to having a family and offspring, some risk
the cheaper and more convenient alternative of buying wives.
The divorce rate in rural areas is likely
to remain low, as divorce deprives rural women of some of the
basic means of production, such as land. Those that work in
township enterprises, however, have more freedom. For the sake
of family solidarity, husbands now tend to treat their wives
more fairly.
The extramarital affair is an alluring but
risky concept to rural women -- one that could bring turbulence
to and inflict calamity on their lives. So they generally desist.
In conclusion, marriage and the family in
rural and urban China are evolving into more diversified, rational,
and progressive institutions, as the concept of gender equality
becomes more widely accepted.
CHEN XINXIN,
Women's Institute researcher, All China Women's Federation